Two years ago, on an average day in March, I woke up crying. I didn't stop crying for the next 3 months.
With the tears came an overwhelming inability to do the things I was so accustomed to doing. At first, I found I couldn't do the big things in life, like catching up with friends, going out, participating in the classes I was in, or doing craft projects.
Slowly, however, even the little things became too overwhelming, and soon I couldn't even watch TV, read books, play on the internet, brush my hair or play with my cats and dogs. I would start to have a shower and collapse in a heap on the floor, sobbing until the water ran out. I would attempt to get out of bed and, half an hour later, find myself curled up on the floor next to it with tears gushing down my face. I just couldn't do anything; not a single thing. I was sick.
In early May of 2007, I was diagnosed with Chronic Depression. What was happening to me wasn't simply a bad day, a sad moment, or a reaction of grief. It was physical, chemical; something had short-circuited in my brain and now life was too hard to live.
What I faced then was like nothing I had faced before; even after my mother died when I was 14 and even whilst I was being thrown around and abused in Australia's horrid Foster Care system, I had not faced such irrational, uncontrollable sadness.
The darkness that Depression brings cannot be explained in words, and cannot ever be defined for those who have not experienced it; it is, quite simply, a petrifying journey through the darkest, emptiest corners of the human mind.
From day one, however, I knew I was going to survive. I knew that this disease could not, and would not, beat me. I had a life to live, and even during the days, weeks and months that I forgot about what that life looked like, I held onto the fragment of hope that one day I would get better.
Thanks to a fantastic counselor, well-suited medication, and the endless, constant, and ridiculously selfless love of Sharon and my furry bunch, I did survive. I made it to the other end of the darkness, and now Depression is just something that I have, rather than something that defines me.
Just as my life was getting back on track, and just as I was getting comfortable with pushing my boundaries by working, socialising, playing and laughing, another setback happened. This one was slow, creeping; nothing like the suddenness I had experienced with Depression.
The first feeling I remember experiencing was numbness. Pure, empty numbness. I suddenly had no feeling, no care for anything in the world; things that were sad, or touching, or inspiring just washed over me.
This was followed by a gradually increasing sense of fear. Within a month, this fear was debilitating; I would wake up and feel so monstrously overwhelmed by the thought of making breakfast, and all of the decision-making that that involved, that I would stay in bed until the afternoon.
Pretty soon, I couldn't leave the house. The thought of seeing people, of having to interact, was too much to bear. I lost the ability to make my much-loved spreadsheets full of my goals; the ability to create anything remotely crafty; and the ability to make any kinds of decisions. I was powerless; helpless.
Everything I knew about myself- every element of strength, independence, and resilience- was gone. I had changed from a vocal, overly-opinionated, strong person to a quiet, overwhelmed and frightened one.
Luckily, what I was experiencing had a name, and that name was Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). It is exceedingly common in survivors of mental, physical and sexual trauma, and mine had simply hidden itself until the right trigger (my abusive boss) came along.
Once I had a name, I could start to understand what was happening to me, and why I was suddenly finding such mundane things so terribly difficult to accomplish. Having this understanding gave me power back in a situation where I felt powerless, and life slowly started to improve again.
Step by step, Sharon and I worked to overcome my PTSD symptoms. I quit my job and focussed on getting better. Sharon and I would leave the house for an hour at a time, so as to not overwhelm me. We made dramatically shortened to-do lists, and I worked on achieving what was on them every day. I would make decisions about little, silly things in order to get used to having that power again.
One day in March of this year, two years after my journey with Mental Health issues began, I heard about a little thing called the Stitches & Craft Show. I had not really left the house for more than an hour at a time for more than three months, and I most certainly hadn't been somewhere on my own. But something about this show called me; I was itching to get back into crafting, and I felt I was ready for the challenge it would bring.
I attended the Show, and never looked back. During those four days, I did so much more than simply learn how to sew, or embroider, or blog, or start a business. I regained a confidence that I had not had in over two years; started, again, to believe that I could achieve anything I set my mind to; and met people who touched my life in ways they will never fully understand. I became myself again; the Sandra that I knew. And so a new journey began, and Pepperberry & Co. was born.
I tell you this because it is something I have been wanting to share for a while, but it has not felt right until today. Mental Health issues, which are something I once scoffed at, are now a part of my daily life. I still have to wake up each morning and battle at least a few demons before I can start sewing, and I still have days when I break down completely and sit paralysed on the couch, wondering what the point of life is.
Just last week I had a few of those days: days during which the regular list of things to be done was an overwhelming, impossible mountain I had to climb, and days during which my fear and my sadness far outweighed my rational ability to function. Thank you to all of you who left loving comments; sent worried emails; and got in touch via Facebook and Twitter to see if I was ok.
I am ok, and thanks to Sharon, my furry family, and all of you who have been such a loving and supportive part of my crafty, businessy, bloggy journey, I will continue to be ok. I may not always be able to post Tuesday Tales when they are due; I may not always be able to respond to emails as soon as I'd like; and I may not always have what it takes to blog during Blogtoberfest, but at least I know that I have survived and that there is love for me in this world. So thank you.
---
With the tears came an overwhelming inability to do the things I was so accustomed to doing. At first, I found I couldn't do the big things in life, like catching up with friends, going out, participating in the classes I was in, or doing craft projects.
Slowly, however, even the little things became too overwhelming, and soon I couldn't even watch TV, read books, play on the internet, brush my hair or play with my cats and dogs. I would start to have a shower and collapse in a heap on the floor, sobbing until the water ran out. I would attempt to get out of bed and, half an hour later, find myself curled up on the floor next to it with tears gushing down my face. I just couldn't do anything; not a single thing. I was sick.
In early May of 2007, I was diagnosed with Chronic Depression. What was happening to me wasn't simply a bad day, a sad moment, or a reaction of grief. It was physical, chemical; something had short-circuited in my brain and now life was too hard to live.
What I faced then was like nothing I had faced before; even after my mother died when I was 14 and even whilst I was being thrown around and abused in Australia's horrid Foster Care system, I had not faced such irrational, uncontrollable sadness.
The darkness that Depression brings cannot be explained in words, and cannot ever be defined for those who have not experienced it; it is, quite simply, a petrifying journey through the darkest, emptiest corners of the human mind.
From day one, however, I knew I was going to survive. I knew that this disease could not, and would not, beat me. I had a life to live, and even during the days, weeks and months that I forgot about what that life looked like, I held onto the fragment of hope that one day I would get better.
Thanks to a fantastic counselor, well-suited medication, and the endless, constant, and ridiculously selfless love of Sharon and my furry bunch, I did survive. I made it to the other end of the darkness, and now Depression is just something that I have, rather than something that defines me.
Just as my life was getting back on track, and just as I was getting comfortable with pushing my boundaries by working, socialising, playing and laughing, another setback happened. This one was slow, creeping; nothing like the suddenness I had experienced with Depression.
The first feeling I remember experiencing was numbness. Pure, empty numbness. I suddenly had no feeling, no care for anything in the world; things that were sad, or touching, or inspiring just washed over me.
This was followed by a gradually increasing sense of fear. Within a month, this fear was debilitating; I would wake up and feel so monstrously overwhelmed by the thought of making breakfast, and all of the decision-making that that involved, that I would stay in bed until the afternoon.
Pretty soon, I couldn't leave the house. The thought of seeing people, of having to interact, was too much to bear. I lost the ability to make my much-loved spreadsheets full of my goals; the ability to create anything remotely crafty; and the ability to make any kinds of decisions. I was powerless; helpless.
Everything I knew about myself- every element of strength, independence, and resilience- was gone. I had changed from a vocal, overly-opinionated, strong person to a quiet, overwhelmed and frightened one.
Luckily, what I was experiencing had a name, and that name was Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). It is exceedingly common in survivors of mental, physical and sexual trauma, and mine had simply hidden itself until the right trigger (my abusive boss) came along.
Once I had a name, I could start to understand what was happening to me, and why I was suddenly finding such mundane things so terribly difficult to accomplish. Having this understanding gave me power back in a situation where I felt powerless, and life slowly started to improve again.
Step by step, Sharon and I worked to overcome my PTSD symptoms. I quit my job and focussed on getting better. Sharon and I would leave the house for an hour at a time, so as to not overwhelm me. We made dramatically shortened to-do lists, and I worked on achieving what was on them every day. I would make decisions about little, silly things in order to get used to having that power again.
One day in March of this year, two years after my journey with Mental Health issues began, I heard about a little thing called the Stitches & Craft Show. I had not really left the house for more than an hour at a time for more than three months, and I most certainly hadn't been somewhere on my own. But something about this show called me; I was itching to get back into crafting, and I felt I was ready for the challenge it would bring.
I attended the Show, and never looked back. During those four days, I did so much more than simply learn how to sew, or embroider, or blog, or start a business. I regained a confidence that I had not had in over two years; started, again, to believe that I could achieve anything I set my mind to; and met people who touched my life in ways they will never fully understand. I became myself again; the Sandra that I knew. And so a new journey began, and Pepperberry & Co. was born.
I tell you this because it is something I have been wanting to share for a while, but it has not felt right until today. Mental Health issues, which are something I once scoffed at, are now a part of my daily life. I still have to wake up each morning and battle at least a few demons before I can start sewing, and I still have days when I break down completely and sit paralysed on the couch, wondering what the point of life is.
Just last week I had a few of those days: days during which the regular list of things to be done was an overwhelming, impossible mountain I had to climb, and days during which my fear and my sadness far outweighed my rational ability to function. Thank you to all of you who left loving comments; sent worried emails; and got in touch via Facebook and Twitter to see if I was ok.
I am ok, and thanks to Sharon, my furry family, and all of you who have been such a loving and supportive part of my crafty, businessy, bloggy journey, I will continue to be ok. I may not always be able to post Tuesday Tales when they are due; I may not always be able to respond to emails as soon as I'd like; and I may not always have what it takes to blog during Blogtoberfest, but at least I know that I have survived and that there is love for me in this world. So thank you.
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Comments (67)
Wow. I never would have guessed that you had to overcome these things just from visiting here- such a busy and happy blog! Congrats on doing so with so much success.
You're so strong. I'm in awe that you managed to make it to Saturday's market with that sitting on top of you. It feels very trite to say "Hope you feel better soon," but I do. I hope the love of the bloggy world wraps you up like a big cuddly blanket and soothes you on your journey back to being Sandra.
Thanks so much for sharing your story Sandra. I remember that you mentioned that you had to give up your work due to illness but I never wanted to pry by asking any more. It's really hard to put all that personal information out there in the world, but if your story can help someone else who is experiencing the same problem, then that is wonderful.
I wish you success and health and happiness every single day.
Thanks heaps for sharing. I have found the craft world so supportive like a big warm hug, and craft itself such therapy (I have PND). It was great to meet you on Saturday and hope to again soon :-) Take one day at a time. I love your stuff :-)
Thanks for sharing your journey with us, you are an inspiration!! I'm so glad you found a hobby and business you enjoy! Your story really moved me. Thanks for all the great sewing tips as well!
What a brave thing you have done - sharing your journey with us.
I feel very honoured to have read about it, and hope you continue on the road to recovery.
hugs x
You definitely are ok! I have so much respect and admiration for your courage...You are truly an inspiration. I love your blog and your craft!! :)
(((HUGS)))Wishing you peace and much love. You are a brave person for sharing your journey.
hug YOU!! ♥
Praise the lord you are getting better and better each day. My mother suffers from being Bipolar so I know dealing with something like that is very difficult and life changing. Thanks for sharing your story and I'm so glad you were able to find something positive in such a challenging time in your life!
I don't have many words to say, just presence to add. So eloquent. That Sharon sounds rather lovely too! Thank you, you were brave for getting that out, may you feel loved, embraced, accepted- because you are the same Ms. Pepperberry whose blog I read last week, I just know more about you now.
Tanya
When I was teaching, a loved colleague and I would often discuss how important it was to start the day gently with the children, to smile and acknowledge the efforts of the parents to get them there. She would say, "Darling, you never know just what it has taken for them to step out of bed." I guess that applies to bloggers as well! Thank you for trusting us with your journey, Brave and Clever Girl! Lisa. x
You go girl! I have so much respect for you and how much you have achieved. You and Sharon are so lucky to have found each other. Life is full of challenges so it's good that you have that support. kisses.
Bravo, Sandra! I've been reading your blog for some time now and would never have guessed that you've had to overcome such challenges. Hang in there - you're an inspiration to many, I'm certain.
Thanks for sharing your experience. My husband is going through the same thing right now (and has been for a while). It's encouraging that someone like you has been able to overcome! I wish I knew how to support him better.
Wow, thanks for sharing. There are so many woman who deal with depression secretly because of what people may think of them...we need people like you who are willing to share and bring strength to others! You are awesome!
You have progressed a long way in such a short time, well done. My heart goes out to you, there is nothing worse in life than chronic depression. Hang on in there. Pam xxx
I'm so glad that you decided to share your story, and I'll be thinking about you as you work through each day! You're an incredibly strong person, and I admire you so much for your acceptance and your drive!!
- Lindsay
This post touches on my life very much it has made me cry. You have described it so well - even down to how you just have depression now rather than being overcome by it. I keep being told that depression is curable. Maybe it is. I don't know but it sure is easier to live without the pressure of have to 'overcome' it. For me it is accepting it and getting on with what I can do rather than what I should be able to do. For a long time I had a seperate sewing room that I would glance into and freeze up. I was scared of doing anything most of the time. Now my bedroom and sewing room are combined and I am freer to do just one cut or stitch because it is right there. Hang in there and remember what flylady says: You are never behind. that means you can hop in whenever you can and just take babysteps. Cherrie
Wow, thank you for sharing your story Sandra. Though I don't know what you're going through, I do know extreme sadness and anxiety. I really hope you feel better each and everyday and I'm giving you a big, big hug. You're really a brave person and I'm so glad I found you via your blog.
Your friend from Virginia...Lisa
Hi hon,
I, too have had serious bouts with depression (and was even hopsitalized for one) so I can most definitely relate. I did wonder if you were feeling unwell when we hadn't heard from you for awhile.
Know we're all pulling for you and waiting patiently for you to come back to us.
*hugs*
Kit
First I would like to say thank you so much for sharing your story. It is courageous people like you who make it easier for others with mental health issues to feel less alone in our struggles.
Secondly, I just want to give you a huge hug. And congratulate you for doing SO well now! I have suffered depression for years - I don't know the official count but I was diagnosed with it 5 years ago. I know completely about the darkest, emptiest corners of the human mind. Mine is not as severe as yours was, and I have sooo much respect for your strength at being able to crawl out of that deep hole. You are simply amazing.
My depression is just debilitating enough that I am not "normal" - I have had very (very, very) bad days, but most days it is just crippling enough for most others to think I am "just lazy" or that I should just "snap out of it". Frustrating.
Thank you again so much for sharing your story. I reiterate that it is those like you who help others of us - in terms of feeling that we are not alone, and also by helping the general public to better understand mental health issues.
I wish you all the best in your fight, and am glad you have loving and strong friends around you to help you up.
Hugs, hugs and more hugs!!!
Thank you for sharing your story. You have a wonderful blog and a delightful heart!
Been there, done that......actually still doing it. Mine was triggered by Post Natal Depression and those deep dark days are not something I want to repeat but unfortuately I can still find them lurking, very occasionally, on the edge of my days. Thankfully medication and a loving and supportive family (like yours) helps me through the bad spots. I joke now that I have no idea what "normal" is any more. And it's true - just who is normal and who isn't? One day at a time is my motto - I can't do anything other than that - even if I do get overwhelmed with all that is happening - I just have to stick at it.
Keep smiling Sandra. I know it's not easy at times but you are in my thoughts and prayers.
Sending huge cyber hugs your way.
Catherine
I cannot begin to understand the depths that you have been. I have suffered from depression, but no where near as bad. Sandra, I have never met you, I dont know you personally, but what I have have come to know of you through your amazing crafting and fantastic blog, and fb, your kindness and understanding, your loyalty, and love that comes through inspires me. I have a daughter a bit younger than you. It breaks my heart to know what you have been through, yet you get out there, and make a wonderful life for yourself, with Sharon and your furry family, and I think your'e amazing. Take care of yourself sweet girl, and lots of love to your amazing partner Sharon too. xxxx
Sandra, thinking of you! I really do believe that crafting is your best medicine. I have been to some of those darkest places too so I know what you have been through. Family and friends (including the furry ones) are the best support and like you, I have support. Hugs to you!
Sandra,
Thank you so much for sharing your story. It is hard for some of us who don't have to fight with depression to understand what our friends and family are going through; your honest sharing gives us a better handle on how we can help and be there for someone else.
Sandra! Just *hugs* and that you have survived, and are surviving, and much much more than *just* surviving, is the best. :)
xx Penny
Terrific post and so fabulous to see you healing and overcoming PTSD. I had a similar journey through dance - got on the dance floor and never looked back! (Well, I might have peeked once or twice...). Your story is inspirational -- would you like to guest post for the 'Survivors Speak' series on my healing PTSD blog??
Thank you for sharing your story! You are brave and wonderful!
Like so many others, I, too, have my own mental health issues, so I know where you're coming from.
The beauty that you create is that much more beautiful to me, knowing more of your story. :)
Thanks for sharing your feelings a terrific post. It has been wonderful also reading everyones comments. My husband has now been on medication for depression for 6 weeks....this has made such a change in our lives. It is wonderful...I hope that he can continue through like you have.
thanks for sharing your story - so glad you are doing your best to move forward :D {{{Hugs}}}
hey miss pepper,
I just wanna give you a big hug.
I have had the great fortune of meeting such beautiful, confident and talented people in my crafty circle who i admire and look up to just like your self.
Upon getting to know each one of you better I learn that we have all had to overcome so many demons to be who we are today. I always take it for granted that this amazingly confident woman I see, is and has always been just like that.
Thank you for the reality check that maybe I need to go beyond the surface and treat people with compassion instead of assuming they are all super humans living life boldly and confidently every step of the way.
I have bad days, I've had obstacles, I don't know why I forget that other people struggle too.
Your strength just in facing each day is admirable, let alone the leaps and bounds you have made in creating your own crafty business and highly entertaining and successful blog.
You take all the time you need, we'll be here with open arms when your back on board.
In the mean time just be with sharon and your fluffy ones. xxx Jay
Thank you so much for sharing this. It was so beautifully written I felt like you were writing to me personally. It's so amazing what we are capable of overcoming and it makes all my woes seem so trivial. You are amazing !
I had gone through the same thing a few years... i know what that numbness and darkness is like.
i am glad to hear that you have a wonderful support system to help you get through it (i was alone just having moved away to university) and i believe that is so important to your healing and your having more good days than bad.
everybody reading this is rooting for you and will contribute in our small way to help you have good days.
you are never alone. ever.
jenn
Sandra, you are amazing.
As a person that has to take medication everyday for depression just to get out of bed I know exactly how debilitating it can be. Sharon is also amazing too for being so supportive. The love you share together is beautiful.
I've put a bit out there on my blog - but nothing as personal as this post. You are inspiring to me with your positivity, strength and determination to beat your illness and not let it define you.
I'm also in awe about how open you are about your relationship with Sharon on you blog. I play around with the pronoun game on my blog & get away with it because my partner's name is Sam... I just don't let on that it's short for Samantha not Samuel. Not any more.
Sorry that I'm not very good at the words. And I hope this isn't overwhelming for you having comments made by complete strangers about something so personal to you.
Thank you so much for sharing with us Sandra.
Cloud
What an incredibly brave woman you are, not only to share your story with us but to take depression head on. Inspirational x
Sandra, I know what you are talking about and I am sending the biggest strongest cyber hug that I can.
You AMAZE me.....
Wow mate I really don't know what to say, I still have tears as I type this . Thankyou for your honesty and courage I'm sure you will have helped others with this post .
I think you are terrific! I thought so from the very first moment I visited your blog. I can relate to having tough times, I am having some myself but your blog is sunshine on a rainy day xxxx
What a fantastic post, well done for sharing:)So glad you came to the show! keep going love:)))fi xo
What can I possibly say to that? Nuthin. Other than here's a great whopper of a hug through cyber space................................................................did you get it?
Thanks for sharing your story with us Sandra, I know that this was not easy for easy and surely is not easy to live with this patology!
But...you are strong and you're right, you have lots of friends around here and...we are thinking of you!!!!
Keep strong and...stay up!!!!!!!
Hugs, Dany
Bravo Sandra for sharing your journey with us! I admire your courage and fortitude for disclosing such personal experiences. I am sure your strength, determination, and insight will inspire others. Best wishes for the future - your blog is such a happy place to visit and I always enjoy seeing all your crafty pursuits! Take care. Lisa
The two of you make an awesome team. So glad you've been able to share your story Sandra... and I hope craft keeps on being a big part of your healing - your business story is inspirational, I reckon :)
Hi Sandra,
\\\\\\\ (that's puppy Olive trying to join me in typing a reply onto the keyboard).
I don't leave comments on your blog very often, but I started reading along when you posted about trying to find holiday homes for your fur kids.
I got into visiting markets and blogs about nine months ago as part of my management plan (I've been diagnosed with depression and an anxiety disorder, something which I've had for most of my life). Having a plan to "connect" with people and having something "to do" is important for me to balance out the large amount of time I spend alone. I outwardly present as happy and functioning, people are often "surprised" if they find out I struggle with mental health issues. I too have found counselling and medication helpful, but have especially benefited from having the responsibility of my dog Jasper. Some bloggers often ask me why I don't start my own blog. One of the main things that has held me back is that I couldn't paint my life as one big happy, family, crafty, blogfest. I think I'd struggle with only sharing "normal" things when I so often feel anything less than normal. I've seen you at lots of markets, but haven't said hello as I don't craft or know anything about fabrics so I don't really fit into the "craft scene" in the same way as other stall holders, bloggers and crafters. Sorry, this has turned into a bit of ramble.......but I just wanted to say thank you very much for sharing.
Jen in Melbourne (aka JasperBoy)
proud of u!
Thank you so much for telling your story. You've touched many lives by sharing of yourself and your talents. It is amazing how powerful and healing creating can be.
Hi Sandra, Thank you for sharing your story with us... I've only known you for a short time and have admired you for what you have achieved in the 'craft world', You're a very strong person and I hope that the craft world and your 'bloggy' friends continue to make life happier for you. A big hug to Sharon as well, she's a star! See you again soon ;)
So very glad to see you're back up and at'em and thanks so much for sharing your story. I'd actually just popped over here because I was wondering where you were and hoping that you were OK (one my favourite bloggy friends).
Love to you!
Sandra, thank you for sharing your story. I know how difficult it is to share something so personal and intimate. I think you are an incredible person, so talented and driven. Bless you, dear friend.
What can I say Sandra. I think everyone's comments have covered it all. Your very brave to mention your depression. We have another think in common. Take care, hugs to you and Sharon.
Sandra, thanks for sharing your life with us all. Sorry I don't comment much, but I do read.
Sandra. I just happened on your blog today. Last summer I too spent months in tears, unable to cope with even simple things like trips to the supermarket. It felt like I had been walking along the edge of a precipice for a long time then just fell off. I'm on the mend now and counselling and medication helped too. This week though is one of those weeks when you feel that downward push and feel yourself scrabbling for a handlehold once again. While it isn't exactly comforting to know that others have been through the same, at least we can support each other through the tough times by sending good wishes. No one understands more than someone who has been through it too. Take good care of yourself. I'll be back tomorrow to check out the halloween party!
Thank you so much for sharing your story. The more open these issues become the better for everyone I believe- it can really save someone if the right person in the right place can identify PTSD symptoms. I was severely abused a good part of my life but was treated as mentally ill for the most part, due to others having contact with professionals. I believed I must have been. 6 years after meeting with the right person I can finally say that I was treated badly and don't deserve it and have come far on the road to recovery.
Your description of how you felt is so honest and open I believe it might open someone's eyes.
Thank you for being so courageous in sharing your story. Coming from a similar place I admire your strength in openly discussing your trials and tribulations,as I have only shared with close friends and family my battle with abuse and Bi-Polar.Even some of them are floored that I (the "strong one") have a mental illness,as you are also experiencing.Medication has kept me fairly stable for the last few years but I feel that my creativity has been dulled by taking drugs which flatten out the highs and lows. I love crafting but am more likely to follow a pattern these days than to invent my own.As I do not wish to return,either literally or mataphorically, to the places I was in a few years ago I guess that is a small price to pay. In the meantime I greatly appreciate the creativity of others, including yourself, and wish you all the very best on your journey
Oh I'm sorry you have these problems. I've seen that darkness too and you are right, it's not something you can describe to others who havent been there. The weight of the world suddenly becomes totally unbearable.
I admire you courage to write this post and your courage in picking up and moving on with your life. You've done a brilliant job and when you started this blog I can remember thinking 'she will go far, she has that extra something that draws people in'. Truely I did think that!! So I hope you can continue on your journey and it gets easier to just carry on. You are doing so well!
xx
Hi Sandra
I have only just discovered this post but wanted to add a comment....all that you said sounds so familiar although i would never have been able to describe it so eloquently. Your post is very honest and moving and I'm so glad you had the courage to share it with us. Take care of yourself xx (and Sharon too - sounds like she is an amazing support to you!)
Well, I'm a bit slow to be catching up on news around the place. What a brave post, and I'm sure you've helped many people by telling your story. The more time I spend in Blogland the more I am convinced that so many of us share similar stories of lives that are filled with pretty huge personal challenges. It's great to have this amazing space where we can all connect and tell our stories. Hugs to you. Cxxx
many many hugs Sandra, and thanks for sharing.
I suffer from anxiety disorders, a lot of what I feel sounds similar to you - I struggle over the silliest of decisions.. but we get there.
I'm glad you've got Sharon. xxxx
Wow Sandra. I think we were "meant to be" across the hall from each other! Check out the article I wrote for mixtape this month - all about my journey through depression.. I also wanted to share my story in hope that it would help others feel less alone x
Wow. I found your blog this morning (via theaandsami.blogspot.com), and have come down to your post about your journey through depression. Thank you. Youve no idea how much it has touched me. Im currently off work with an Anxiety Disorder that my Psych and I cannot work out the root cause - Ive only been off a month but I am relapsed from a 6 months stint in 2006 whree like you, I found I just couldnt function all of a sudden. Reading what you have shared, and understanding that there are other people out there who understand and unfortunately experience similar things, it somehow makes me feel less isolated. I am awed by your sharing. Thank you. Oh, and I totally love your art! Beautiful crafty goodness. - Leisa (leisa@moonshinedesign.com.au - Im never sure which email it will show).
Wow. Very well said. I just recently found your blog and subscribed and this is the first time I've come across this post.
I wanted to say thank you. For sharing yourself. For sharing your battle. For telling the world (or at least the part that comes to your blog).
I, too, dealt with depression that began as very mild postpartum depression after my daughter was born, not the scary hurt your children kind of depression, just the lack of interest that you described above. That was 10 years ago and I now have what the shrink calls major depressive disorder that did wonderfully for about 7 years with fantastic medication until suddenly it didn't work anymore and I fell down into the black hole for a while. It took 2-1/2 years but I'm clawing my way back up out of it and can see the light. My goodness, what a journey! Not one I'd like to take again, thankyouverymuch!
I could really FEEL you when I read about your struggles because they're similar to mine, or at least it felt that way! LOL When you first began to describe your PTSD I thought for sure you were going to say it was anxiety disorder or panic attacks because that's what I have and your symptoms sounded similar to mine. My nxiety disorder was brought on 20 years ago by a stressful traumatic event and there was a time I became nearly agoraphobic because of it. I have made huge strides in overcoming that in the last 2 years, so things are looking up!
I don't know you, but I am so happy for you that you are fighting and it sounds like succeeding in overcoming the disease that life has thrown at you. Depression is so misunderstood in this world. It's the disease that people don't really think is a disease, and not enough people talk about it. I told about mine a few years ago on my blog, and to this day I think it's the one blog post that has gotten the most comments ever on my blog. I don't know who Sharon is because I haven't been reading your blog long enough I guess, but I am so glad that you have her in your life to help you down this road. She sounds like she has the patience of a saint! LOL I am sure you are grateful to have her in your life, and I am happy for you! Sorry to write so much!
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